there's this new chocolate chip banana creme eclair cake at the restaurant that is intent on ambushing my diet plans. i've told some customers today to get it and they all raved. i think its selling so well cuz im selling everyone else on what i want...
but i am proud of myself. no cheating today.

wow is it hard to resist. like a drug. never had a hard time putting down the weed, stopping coke or H... but then again, only did that a few times before i said no. food, i've been doing all my life. several times a day. im a foodhead. and i think detox and rehab is called for here.
the other day when i had the burger it was like, all day that was the only thing i could think of. i was in class and in my head im thinking burger, burger, burger. and i knew that i had other food... healthy food... smaller portion... right in my bag, but my head was pounding out burger, i craved it, i feaned it so bad. and after i ate i could think straight again and i wanted to shoot myself in the head for not holding back. its like, i don't know, hypothermia or something, when your brain just doesn't think straight.

133lbs and a burger

hate myself. couldn't hold back. the fifth day of my diet. craving a burger. dreamt about it last night. thinking about it on way to school. during first class. during second class. finally just went into mcdonalds, got a 1/3 lber, slathered it with ketchup and wolfed it down so fast couldnt even taste it practically. couldnt even keep one week.